I cant take it anymore? suicide?

You can't go through this life alone-even with all the money and friends and talent and beauty you may have. You need God, whether or not you realize it; and judging by your desperation i think it is time you stop expecting God to come fix your life, and you start fixing your life with God. Nobody's life is perfect, that is why we need to repent and have God take all our troubles away and make our paths straight. If you seek him, he will answer. Its convicting but true. We need to find him, not expect him to find us when convenient. Please seek help, there are people in worse situations than you that have found happiness. Trust that God is testing your faith, it is up to you to make it right!